Apologies

The thing I hate in the most in the world is myself because I am honestly a terrible person. Which makes me hate other individuals who are similar to me to an extent. One awful trait about me is that my pride is larger than life, which pisses me off greatly, because I constantly need to be in right in my mind as I am an incredibly stupid person. But it's quite obvious that I am wrong a majority of the time, so I've taken to not saying ninety percent of what I want to say.

Have you ever gotten that feeling of wanting to be really nasty to someone verbally in a way that will make come up with a quick rebuttle right then and there, but both of you know that the other will go home crying himself to sleep because he knows what you said was right? I get that feeling all the time because I can. But I'll just play it nice because I like attention and friends, as well as that I would not have the guts to apologize.

In the past, I've always found it quite easy to apologize. I suppose this is because I was just young or that I was so insecure that I told myself that I was perpetually wrong. But being the "bigger person" nowadays is really difficult for me. In fact, I think the majority of the apologizes I mutter while avoiding contact is because I know that I'm not the one who needs to say sorry but my ego whispers in my ear all, "Go on, apologize. It'll make the other feel like a doucebag and you'll have the upper hand and both of you will know it."

But then it occurs to me that not everyone is like who hangs onto everything because they actually have nice lives.

Expectations make me want to barf. Especially my own. But when other people hold up my actions to their own when they have no right to do so, I get seriously furious. Even when incompetent people get angry at you, the one who is always reliable or responsible. I'm sorry for occasionally cutting myself some slack when it's a daily occurrence for you. I'm sorry not taking my work into account for what I expect out of myself, not what you believe I should do.

I also hate when people complaining about people complaining. I do this often. But it honestly pisses the hell out of me when the one decent person with wholesome values is hurting and then some doucheface complains about it, saying that things could be worse off. Yeah, sure, that is most definitely true. but that doesn't change that fact in that point in time, said person is in pain, no matter the comparisons involved. I'm sorry, dear people, for having emotions.

I heard that it's better to recognize a thousand of your own faults than a single one of another's, but how is anyone able to do that nowadays without being bombarded with accusations of wanting attention? Because attention whores like me ruin it for everyone. I'm sorry for wanting to be accepted.

I like to think that intolerance has been the constant downfall of society since the beginning of time, because in all actuality, it is, even in abstract ways. But you know, some people don't understand, just like me.

Meh. Going off topic.
Anywho. I'd like to apologize to anyway I've ever offended, instigated bad feelings with, and the like.

But even though I'm going to be a hypocrite for this, I'd like to say that I fucking hate people who don't apologize. Sure, I don't verbalize such a phrase at times, but I at least imply it with my actions. So I'd like to apologize to the fucking punks who have made fun of when I was younger, I'm sorry, children who I didn't understand. I'm sorry, adults, who I could not comprehend. I'm sorry for not understanding, I'm sorry for not hearing, I'm sorry for not knowing, I'm sorry for not being sorry.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.